Blood Orange

No matter how many dazzling adjectives you attach to him, at his core, he’s a thug.

The kind of man who would take a life if things didn’t go his way. Perhaps the only flaw in this otherwise perfect man is the world he stands in. That’s what makes him seem more dangerous, and that’s why he’s such a paradox—someone you can’t help but be drawn to.

I won’t deny that I was attracted to him, that my eyes were drawn to him. But that’s exactly why I wanted to distance myself.

—

“I have plans tomorrow.”

“…I know.”

“I’m meeting a man at a hotel.”

To be precise, it was a blind date at a hotel café.

—

“…But.”

“If I like him, I’ll book a room this time. I’m not going to reject him again.”

I wasn’t sure if I was saying this to Si-baek or making a promise to myself.

—

“Stop talking nonsense. If you’re just going to spout nonsense, go to sleep.”

If this were just a fleeting argument we had today, it wouldn’t feel so bittersweet. I have no idea when I’ll be able to put an end to this long, exhausting emotional journey. How much longer will it last? How many more wounds will I endure in the process? I’ll only know once I’ve lived through it.

Even if I know now, there’s nothing I can do about it.

It’s something I have to endure, even though I’m fully aware of it.

Nothing that has come into my hands has ever been easy. Love is no exception.

Damn love—no, unrequited love.